"Realization"

I refuse to be caught up in the thought of you anymore.
My mind made you to be what I wanted you to be.
I don't think I ever knew the real you.
Only what you wanted me to know.
Never knowing what was truth and what was fiction.
You pulled the strings of my heart,
Playing for your own satisfaction,
All the while making me believe it was for mine.
And when I wasn't looking, you disappeared.
Leaving this void in my life, wondering where you went.
The longer you're gone, the stronger I become.
Once again I'm wading through this sea of lonliness
Even when I'm surrounded by bodies.
The smile on my face is fake,
masking my true identity, my true self.
The act I put on for the sake of others,
Helps me through the bright days.
Laughter is forced even when my eyes are dancing.
Everyone sees a happy shell,
But yet it is cold inside.
And the chill is sometimes unbearable;
Yet I cower away from the warmth,
Hiding behind the smile and the laughter.
I walk through life on my own...

©
Written ~ 04.03.07